Disillusion...

Just came back from the teachers' day dinner...would have been quite fun if only one important teacher was not missing...
Am I delusional for keep thinking about her and her departure?
I kept looking at the sea of faces,hoping I'd spot her among the throngs of people.
Hoping that she'd attend.
Hoping foolish hopes, even though I already knew she would not attend.
Is it wrong to keep my hopes up?
Is it wrong to keep on believing in the impossible? The unbelievable?
Once I would have known the answer, but now, I see nothing where I once saw something a long time ago...

Random...

PPS farewell is coming soon...
and we have to wear white..
no offense, but white?
You're asking me, Shadow, to wear white?
It's like asking a girl to become a boy!
Anyway, sounds like it's going to be fun..
yipee, I can't wait..
no, really...

Running away...

I always ran away, even when I was a kid.
I ran away from spiders, from darkness, from horror movies, from clowns, from the things I fear.

I still run away now, being the coward I am.
I run away when I'm scared, I run away when I'm sad.
I run away from reality. I've created a world in the back of my mind, such a beautiful, perfect world.
I'm mixing up reality and fantasy now. I'm so numb, numb to so many things.
I long to feel, to feel pain, sadness,and sometimes joy.

Maybe one day, one day I'll have the courage to stand up and fight.
To fight the shadows that have become me.
To fight the shadows that always told me everything will be alright.
To fight the shadows of disillusion.

Untitled

The winds of change
Blow
And yet I cannot stop them
Words fail me as I
Walk
Down the path of elusive shadows
A hundred lights once shined
And yet now there are ninety-nine
I wondered where that light had went
I wondered if it will once more
Shine
Alas I know
As the shadows do
That light, is forever gone...

Sorry...

How do you say goodbye to someone you always thought would be there? How do you say sorry to them after you find out they are leaving? Students of 4S5 would know who I'm talking about. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I think that my friends feel the same. People never appreciate those around them until it's too late, or they're gone. I guess I'm one of those people, you know, taking for granted that that particular someone will always be there, never really noticing the things they did for us.

It's a little silly, but the incident today was the only thing that prompted me to write a blog. I never wanted a blog, found it pointless to pour your personal feelings so that everyone could see them. But I understand now, no man is an island. I need my friends to help me when I'm down. Thank you to all of you who helped me, well, not be so down, especially Yi Lin. Thanks you guys...