Growing up..

Hmm..two posts in a day..I must be getting a lot of ideas...From somewhere..

Growing up..Something teenagers tend to think about at this age..Or, so I think..

Growing up doesn't just mean going to college, then university and getting a job then settling down. The above does play a large part in that, but to me, growing up means you understand.

You understand you are no longer a child with your parents to protect you, that you can no longer count on your parents to take care of you. You understand that life isn't easy, and never is fair. You understand that human lives are dispensable and that anytime, anyone can die. You understand that you just have to get used to the fact that you can't kid yourself into thinking that when someone dies, they are gone, and not asleep.

You understand it's time to toughen up, to accept everything from failure to heart-break and just get up again.

I..do not want to grow up. Yes, childish isn't it? I mean, there's no Neverland and no Peter Pan to take me to a place where I'll never grow old. It's just, when you grow up, and the years pass by, people you love and care for fade away. I love my parents, my brother and my relatives, but one day they'll all be gone. I suppose I'm afraid I'll be lonely. I am anti-social, sort of and yet I need to have people around me.

When it's night and everyone's asleep, I think of the future when my family is gone. What is my purpose in life then? I know this sounds stupid but, to me, I only have a sole purpose in life. And that is to protect my family. When they are gone, why should I continue living?

It's against my religion o commit suicide, but..If I lost the will to live, would that count as suicide? If I accidentally took more sleeping pills than prescribed and never woke up, would that count as suicide?

My thoughts are dark, and even more darker they will get. I hope, that there will be salvation, true salvation. Huh, after all, what is dark may not necessarily be bad and what is light may not always be good.

Cheers..