I get it, you don't like the theatre. But can't you just indulge in my interests for once?

Puh-leeze

Do, do kiss and tell every time I do something, which in my opinion, is perfectly OK and has nothing to do with you people.

Does everything I have to do have to have some meaning or reason behind it? You mean I can't drink when I'm eating salmon because it shows I hate the taste of salmon? You mean I can't use chopsticks to grip the salmon to dip into the wasabi cause it shows I don't want to eat it?

Go figure.

Oh, and apparently, if I go straight to my room after dinner, it shows I'm pissed. No, I'm not going to my room because I want to play more on my computer. Gee, thanks genii.

How wonderful.

If you ever had crushed dreams or hidden dreams you know you'll probably never realise, I think if you watch Smash, you'll feel the heartache of the characters inside.

I've just only watched till Episode 3, but the pain of rejection was something so evident in the character played by Katherine McPhee. Many times, we dream so big and try so hard to achieve something we want so, so bad. But often we get thrown back down to reality with a hard smack to our faces.

Maybe for some people they can just walk away and go on. But sometimes, when you feel so passionate about something, maybe the only thing that you can do right, it's just so hard to let go.

Anyway, try watching it. I think it's not bad. For now.

Failed my driving test at the parking section. Not pissed about that though. Pissed that I waited from 8.30 till 3pm in the afternoon just to fail. =.= Damn you.

Whatever. Gonna get some shut eye now. Night all.

Loony Idiot

There's this guy in my class, who's a total loon. The first time he opened his mouth to speak, I had already decided to hate him for all eternity. With that annoying lisp of his and that obnoxiously loud voice that was so annoying like nail scrapping down on a chalkboard, he pissed me off.

'You! No group ah? Join my group!'

What. The. Hell. Who do you think you are?? You have no right to order me around, you puny little sorry excuse of a human. From that day on, I ignored him for all I was worth, which was difficult, because he was the self appointed 'leader' of the class. Yeah right, even a mentally challenged person would have been a better leader than this retard.

Then word of his infamy spread. He insulted one of my classmates by pretending to be all so superior just cause he was older than us. Fuck you. You can be 80 years old for all I care and you'll still be nothing in the eyes of everyone.

Today, his foul acts were finally exposed. Turns out, he created a few fake FB accounts to insult and harrass my other classmates. What the heck? Talk about split personality. The dude was crazy enough to be in a mental hospital, but nooo, he's even studying for a degree for psychology! Talk about poster child for insanity.

The next time I see you, you better hope I'm in a good mood. And you had better not try your stupid tricks with me, because believe me, I will use every possible power I have to destroy you over and over and over again, and get you deported back to your hometown, with a reputation as a lunatic. So beware. You cross our class, you effing DIE.

中国文化

Yeah..Title in Chinese. But I am not that confident to express what I'm about to say in Chinese, so English it is.

Chinese has never been my strong point. I've only managed to scrape a B through secondary school but it was enough for me. I mean, I wasn't going to be studying Chinese or whatever in university right?

But thanks to my Chinese teacher in Form 5, I started to appreciate the beauty of the Chinese language. The beauty of the way the characters are written, the way the poets injected the feeling into the poems, often so melancholic, so abstract.

I started to listen more to Chinese music. Not just Jay Chou. There's a channel 304 on Astro. On weekdays 6.18 to 6.48 pm, there's always this singing programme where they'll introduce Chinese and ethnic singers.

I've learned about many wonderful singers, like 宋祖英，腾格尔，凤凰传奇，李玉刚 and many more. 宋祖英 is a wonderful soprano singer, 腾格尔 is a Tibetian (I think) ethnic singer, same with 韩虹 and 凤凰传奇. 李玉刚 is an opera singer who is a guy, but impersonates a woman. If you've heard Chinese opera before, you'll know that the female parts are extremely high pitched. He. Is. Awesome.

I guess I've started to connect with China through her arts and music. I've never really seen China as my so-called motherland. Malaysia has always been my home, and always will be. But I think there's this connection that people feel since long, long ago with the place they originated from, maybe from they're ancestors. I don't know. But that's how I feel. And I'v always thought the Chinese language was extremely important in that Chinese people HAD to learn Chinese.

I suppose that's why I sort of looked down or despised those Chinese who either a) don't learn Chinese cause it's too 'hard' or b) learned Chinese but think English is 'cooler' and act like they don't know Chinese. It's your heritage. Treasure it and feel proud that you know how to speak or write Chinese. Feel proud when you're able to write out that complicated characters that you learnt as children. Feel proud when you're able to speak and sing in that beautiful language.

Be PROUD, because you are a Chinese.

TV Madness

I'm extremely pissed off. And when I'm pissed off, I keep talking in a British accent. But that's not the point.

First, Merlin. HELLO? Maidservant as QUEEN?? That is UNHEARD of during that time. And Arthur, Gaius and Merlin are IDIOTS for letting it, encouraging it even to happen! What the hell??

Next, Vampire Diaries. I'm sorry, but Elena, GO. TO. HELL. Damon, I expected better of you. I thought you CARED about Rose. She turns up, sure you can't see her cause she's a ghost. But that's no excuse. She said she missed you and you didn't even CARE. Then Elena throws herself at you and the both of you make out like HELL. Excuse me? Hot and cold much? Seriously. I sometimes think you're both MORONS. Go to hell. Cause I sure as hell won't care.

Ciao.

Gladiator!!

I love love LOVE gladiator flats. They're awesome. They're comfortable. They're stylish.

THEY ARE DA BOMB!!

I mean, seriously, they are epic. You can't go wrong wearing them. Like that pair up there. And this.

Gorgeous!!

I know, I don't post things about fashion (like EVER), but I really do love these gladiator flats. I think they're the only fashionable thing that is sooo comfortable. Try the flats from Carlo Rino. They are FAB. 

Anyway, enough of that.. TTFN.

Pottermore

As a true Potterhead, I fought like mad to get a Beta spot on Pottermore and successfully got on. It's quite fun, but I really hope the other books open up soon so we can explore.

I actually thought I would be in Slytherin, but I ended up in Ravenclaw. Not bad I hope. But I don't think I'm brainy enough for a spot in that house.

The website is fun and different; wonderful graphics and amazing detail. You start from the first chapter of the book, then go to Hogwarts where you're sorted. Before that, you go to Diagon Alley with your shopping list, open a Gringotts account and buy a wand which is personalized for you. You can make potions and duel with other players. It can be quite addicting, the duelling.

So this is the banner that shows you which house you're in once you get sorted by the Sorting Hat.

Anyway, I think I'm just been disenchanted. I love Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev together, and I'd love if they'd be more open about their relationship. So last year during the Coachella music festival, there were pictures of them that were pretty intimate. So I was hoping it was the same for this year's festival. They were very touchy-feely.

Then..Then came something I can't really accept. And this is it.

...

...

...

I'm like 'What the hell?? Seriously?? Grabbing her butt??' Sure you're together, but to me that is soooo typically MALE. Seriously? But never mind. Not my business. You want to butt-grab, go ahead. I just can't really accept that according to my morals and standards.

LOL. Anyway, no offence to anyone (especially said person). My opinions are rather traditional and 'old-fashioned' and proper; I think I still live during the Victorian era where people can't even hold hands if you're not married. Oh well. Ciao.

Romeo et Juliette

I love the French musical Romeo et Juliette. Even though I don't know French, and I don't think you guys know French, someone put up videos of the songs with English subtitles. So you can sort of learn a little French.

My favourite songs were 'Les Rois Du Monde' (Kings of The World), Les Beaux Les Laids (The Beautiful The Ugly), Aimer (To Love), On Dit Dans La Rue (Rumour On The Streets), Verone, Comment Lui Dire (How To Tell Him) and Coupables (Guilt). There are many other songs. You can check them on Wikipedia. The full name of the play is 'Romeo et Juliette de la Haine a l'Amour which roughly translates into Romeo and Juliet Hate and Love.

This is the video for Coupables, the last song of the play. Enjoy.

Music

I am glad my music tastes have shifted from Jay Chou to more quality music. Not to say he isn't talented, but, I think there are more talented people who deserve to be music icons.

First, Jackie Evancho. She's an opera singer from the America's Got Talent reality show. She was runner up and get this, she was 10 years old when she competed. Her voice is extremely mature for her young age.

Next, Three Graces, comprised of an opera singer, a Broadway singer and a pop singer. Their music is haunting. I think they are equivalent to the Japanese band Kalafina.
These are some videos of Jackie, Three Graces and Kalafina.

Three Graces

Jackie Evancho

Kalafina

Aww Dang..

Damn it, my piercings closed off..T.T Now I have to repierce them again.Stupid piercings..=.=

Things are soooo not going my way this month.. Hopefully, things will be better.

Anyway, I've come across some arts about the 7 deadly sins, personified in the figure of women. I think my deadly sins are wrath, pride and especially anger. I'm quite ruthless I would say, to people who have crossed me, and I can be rather arrogant. My temper is actually ok, but if I do explode, well, let's just say all hell is let loose. So here are Pride and Anger or Wrath, words for today.

Misty Mist

Word for the day: Mist.

One thing I love about staying near mountains is that everytime it rains, the next day I can see the wispy clouds of mist wrapping its arms around my beloved mountains. And it is absolutely stunning and breath-taking.

Yeah, imagining waking up to this every day. I am blessed. Ciao.

Uh...

I just realised my last blog post sounded like someone having a blonde moment. Saying things like 'Like OMG', 'like totally AMAZING' is not me. Especially the 'OMG' part. Do you know how annoying it is when someone draws it out? Try this: 'Oh-em-geeeeeee!' Get it?

Hmm..Been a little quite these few days. Assignment and presentation rush is over. Now we have to concentrate on finals. Please. Do give me a break.

You know those annoying people in your class who can't seem to just not have their hands up in the air yelling the answers every single frigging time?? Yeah. They piss me off. I don't care really if you're hardworking, I actually respect people who are hardworking. But when you're trying to hard, it comes off as plain annoying. Period.

And you know what the funny thing is? While you're out there trying so hard to be teacher's pet, my results are seriously on par with you. I don't see the need to yell out the answers every opportunity you get. My friends call her 'Google' and 'Yahoo' respectively. Me? I call her the 'Machine Gun', in honour of her fabulous mouth that just shoots answers out without stopping.

So yeah, enough with the ranting. I'll sign off for now. Word for the day? I'll come back to you. ;) Ciao.

Violin

Like OMG..I found this AMAZING violinist on YouTube. Credits to Poh Poh for tagging me in the Skyrim video. She was totally like a music nymph or fairy I swear! The way she jumps and prances about when playing her violin, the sweet, tender low notes and the bitter sweet high notes she hit were perfect!

I like this song the best! River Flows in You. Ciao!

Word: Cathedral, Gothic, I might add

Word for today: Gothic Cathedrals. Even though I'm not a Christian or Catholic, I still like the Gothic architecture style, very elegant and unique. The first one is a Milan cathedral, which I have no idea what the name is. Though if memory serves, it was in the middle of the town square. 

The second one is La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, Spain. It is HUGE. I remember when I saw it it was under renovation. I think it's finished by now. La Sagrada Familia roughly translates into 'the Holy or Sacred Family'. The detail is amazing. On the little nooks and hollow panels there are statuettes of the holy figures, saints and what not. So there you have it. Ciao.

Finally!!

My last midterm test is finally over! And I can relax for 1 or 2 more weeks before prepping for finals.

I totally have bad luck this month.

First, my pierced ears got infected, on BOTH sides.

Second, I lost my voice. 0.0 I can now NOT sing. What a bummer.

Third, I slipped down from the staircase, and as a result, my ankle is bruised, and my thigh is sore.

Anywayy..I don't really have anything to write. Just wanted to update a little.

And I want to try something. I'll think of a word, any word for each day and I'll find a picture that I like the most of that random word. Hope it'll at least brighten up my dull and dreary blog.

And the word for today is GREEN. Enjoy! P.S I found 2 pics which I can't choose between.

Study Study Study

Oh my god..Studying like hell today..My bad, actually..I should have started last week..Oh well.

Trying to cram 12 chapters of history into my head by tomorrow, and again before Saturday for my test.

Someone kill me!!

P.S. I would love to go to see the Vatican Museum again. It's just wonderful. The art, the tapestries and the statues. I could just stay there the whole day.

Ciao

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Have you ever went star gazing? I haven't. I wonder what it's like to just sit under the stars and stare at them all night long. Wondering what each star meant, wondering which constellation was which.

These days I rarely see stars, even though I live in a place where pollution is scarce. I've read a science fact that the smoke from all the pollution covers up the stars. It's like the stars are afraid of the toxic and don't dare to come out.

It's sad to think that when we were children, stars were our constant companions. During the nights that we're bored or during the Moon Cake Festival, I remember I'd always poke my head upwards to the sky and hold it there till  my neck was sore. Now, even seeing a few stars is difficult. I somehow feel we've lost something precious.

I wonder if the next generation would be able to see stars, to see them as twinkling jewels high above the sky, as little lights accompanying the moon. They'd probably only learn about stars in science books, as great fiery balls of planets in the space, and not the stars that we knew and loved.

Maybe when they read that little nursery rhyme, they'd wonder what are stars, and think that the stories are lying. They aren't lying, they're just how we saw them as children. As something beautiful and mystical and untouchable. That magic would be lost then, I think.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.

Cheng Meng

It's Cheng Meng again, the Chinese equivalent to All Soul's Day I suppose. We visit the graves of our deceased ancestors or relatives and burn offerings to them.

But during this period, many people pass away as well. You could say it's a time for the people who need to pass on, to leave.

It doesn't mean the people who pass on during this time are old. My driver, who has been working for us for more than a decade, had a sister who was only 48 years old. She died of cancer on Friday. And as I said before, the second son of our beloved Sultan also passed away due to asthma complications.

Both their parents have to bear the heartache of burying their children, knowing that the moment they laid them to rest beneath the earth, they won't be able to see them again.

Suddenly I feel surrounded by death. It's stifling, it hurts and it's depressing when you think of the hurt of the deceased people's family members. As outsiders, we feel sad when we hear of their deaths. But imagine, a father getting a phone call in the middle of the night, telling him that his son died. A mother, holding her daughter's hand as she slips away. Their brothers and sisters crying for their lost sibling, a lost part of their soul. Their children, mourning for the parents they lost; mourning for the father who would never see them graduate or marry or have children.

I know many people always say 'You don't know what you've lost till its gone', or 'Value what you have before it's gone'. Easier said than done. So many times we feel like that person we love beside us will never leave us, until one day you get the dreaded phone call or message.

Maybe we should try to live each day to the fullest, take a little time to move slower and appreciate everything everyone around us does everyday. Then maybe, if they suddenly leave, at least we would have some, if not much closure. And maybe that little attention we pay to them or that little smile we gave them, would have made all the difference in making them a little happier and content.

Life Is But A Brief Candle

Today while at Cheng Meng, father received news that the second son of our Sultan had passed away. He was only 54.

In our culture, and heck, I'm sure for people of all cultures all around the world, it's not good for a parent to ever bury their child. It must be heart breaking to see the child you've cared and loved for and see them grow into an adult being laid to rest in the ground.

People can just suddenly die without any warning. You don't have to be old to die. You can be 16 and sick and just leave. You can be 3 months old and just loose your life. Suddenly, I feel like life is too short to hold any grudges or to be filled with hate. We'd only be wasting our time.

Our lives are short and precious. Fill it with the things that make you happy and don't hate. I may be a teenager, but I've hated before, for so long till there was a time I was depressed. But now that I've let go of that hate, I've been so much happier.

I've heard of a story that went like this.

A teacher prepared lots of potatoes for the kids in her class one day, and told each of them to carry a bag of potatoes the entire day and not let go. Confused, the kids did as she said.

At the end of the day, they were all exhausted from the weight of the potatoes they carried for so long. Smiling, the teacher explained. "The potatoes represent the hate you have for someone. Like that sack of potatoes hate carries a heavy weight. You get tired from carrying that weight for so long that at the end of the day, you're the one who gets dragged down."

Why give that person or thing the satisfaction of hating it when we are the ones who suffer then? We will carry the weight of that hate and unhappiness with us till the day we let it go.

Time and again, life has proven to be far too short. Maybe it's time we re-examined our priorities, and maybe then we can live life to the fullest.

Love & Hate

I've read quite a number of times that if you have love, you'll definitely have hate, and that the line between them is so fine that sometimes you can't differentiate between the both of them.

Sometimes you love someone so much, but suddenly they do something that hurts you or pisses you off so badly, and you find yourself hating them. You feel like you can and want to hurt them in every possible way, and you feel like you'll never love them again.

Sometimes you say 'I hate you' to them, sometimes you tell them that they'll never mean anything to you ever again. Sometimes you tell them you wish they were gone, and sometimes you wish you never knew them or you were never related to them.

People do stupid things all the time, and sometimes it's right to get pissed off at them, sometimes it's all right to hate them. But you hate them for hurting you or making you mad because you love them. If someone you didn't know at all or didn't care at all hurt you or pissed you off, you wouldn't care, because who the hell are they? They're not the ones who deserve your hate or your attention.

You hate the person you love because you want them to be different, you want them to be better and not be that bitch or that bastard. In the end, you want them to be the person you love.

Don't say or do something that you don't mean in a fit of rage, often we do or say things that we regret the minute we say or do them. And sometimes that split second is enough to ruin your relationship with that person. A good friend could become an enemy, a family member could become a stranger.

In the end, we're the ones who suffer, not them.

Writing

So, I've started writing again. Not just in my blog but really writing, though I don't know what good there is. It's not like I'll manage to get anything published anyway.

But it is nice really, to see how my writing style has changed. I was quite long winded back then, giving too many descriptions. I still describe loads now, but moderately, and my sentences are less complex and shorter.

I know that for one, I probably won't be able to finish writing before I loose interest or run out of ideas, and two, even if I do finish it, the likelihood of publishing it is most likely zero. But I'll still cross my fingers. Who knows? If it's meant to be, it will be.

Ciao.

Lesson For The Day

This is going to be real short because I have absolutely no idea what to write. Something I realised today while thinking and reading. Maybe I'm not qualified to say this but whenever I read about someone losing control and they always run away, I find myslf thinking, what exactly are you going to accomplish by running away? If you're addicted to something, you don't run away because you feel you'll be a danger to others. You don't push everyone away when they're trying to help you. You have to recognize that you need the people around you to give you strength to fight whatever it is that's controlling you. You need to understand that you're not alone. I've read about so many cases of depression and suicide in which the victim felt no one was there for them. They couldn't see that if only they talked to someone or reach out to someone who loved them, they probably wouldn't have undergone depression or commuted suicide. Often we try to be strong and reject help from others until we've reached our breaking point and just snap. It doesn't have to be that way. Yes, you have to realise that you have a problem in the first place and not deny he fact that you might need help. Needing help doesn't mean that you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to realise that somethings you can't do on your own. So if one day you feel that there's no one who cares, try to reach out and ask for their help so that they know you need them. They're not psychic, they'll only know you news hem only if you tell them. Try it and maybe you won't feel like the world has abandoned you then.

Old Memories

I actually wrote this post when I was waiting for my turn in the driving trial test today, so it's pretty short. Anyway..

Reading back the old SMSes my parents sent to me, as well as my friends, I realise that I have so many people who love me and who care for me. It's the little things like these that make me feel especially loved, like my mother messaging me using my nickname and calling herself 'Mummy', my father sending me jokes and little anecdotes and a little things to think about, or my friends wishing me on my birthday or any special days.

I have kept over a thousand messages that sometimes, when I'm bored, I'll look at those messages and smile when I see my friends telling me she'll kill if I don't pick up the phone, or gossiping about someone or other, or my brother plotting with me to skip tuition classes.

They may seem like mundane, sentimental things to other people but these little things are the things that make me smile at the silliness of my loved ones and make me think of friends lost and gained. And I wouldn't trade them for anything else in the world. This, so much more so than any other things in the world, is bliss.

P.S Amazing picture I found when I typed 'Nature' into Google.

Food For Thought

I know, I know. The Vampire Diaries is only a TV show and I shouldn't get too caught up in it. But seriously, it's given me something to think about.

Most people, including myself, focus on the romantic aspect of the show, either shipping for Elena and Stefan or for Elena and Damon (Yay!). But in reality, there's another relationship that most people neglect or don't pay much attention to, and that's the sibling bond between Stefan and Damon.

Maybe having an older brother myself and being close to him is why I can sort of relate to that aspect. As executive producer Julie Plec said, the real love story is the love between the two brothers. Both of them were torn apart by a woman they both fell in love with, as well as many misunderstandings between them. But even after all that, even after 146 years of Damon hating Stefan, in the end, they both love each other so much because in the end, they only have each other, aptly put by Damon in the episode '1912': 'You're all I've got now.'

Lovers may fight and quarrel and separate. Friends may drift apart. But that bond between two siblings, no matter how many fights you get into, no matter how much you can hate your sibling in that heated moment of anger, in the end you still love them so much because one day, after your parents are gone, after your relatives are gone, all you really have are just your sibling (s). No matter how angry or pissed off you are at them, in the end you forgive them and love them even more for their flaws because you know, without them, you wouldn't be whole; you wouldn't be who you are.

I've always had the urge to protect my brother, even though he's older than I am. Maybe it's because he's just so pure and innocent sometimes, that I don't want the world to taint or mar him in anyway. I consider myself the 'bad' sibling, the one who isn't all that innocent, and that to me, nothing that happens to me is in anyway, at all important compared to anything that happens to him.

I've been fortunate in that I've been very close with my brother, seeing as he's the only sibling I have. We like the same things, the same games, the same movies and we sometimes act so alike we could be twins. We don't need words to communicate sometimes, I can tell what he's going to do even before he moves, and he'll know what I'm thinking even before I speak. He has his flaws though, of course. He can be so stubborn and arrogant and short tempered sometimes, and I always get mad at him when that happens. But damn, he has that way of making you NOT mad at him after he yelled at you. And I just don't have the heart to yell back at him.

Having siblings isn't all that perfect; you fight, you yell, you don't speak to each other and sometimes you say things you don't mean. But at the end of the day, you always forgive each other, knowing that they're going to be the only family you might have left in the future. I would give my life for my brother, I would bring him back from the edge of anything just to see him all right. And no matter how much I get mad at him, I still love him, because he's my brother.

So in a way, I must thank Damon and Stefan for making me realise what I already knew a long time ago. It was already there; I just couldn't see it yet.

Nian Love!!

Urgh, stressful day trying to finish up the assignment due tomorrow. Then I have driving lessons in the morning. How wonderful.

On a brighter note, tomorrow the new Vampire Diaries episode is finally finally out after a way too long hiatus. I want to see what happens!!

BTW, I so, totally love love luuurrrveee Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev together, or as we fans say, 'Nian'. They are such a sweet and cute couple I can't help but go 'Awwww' everytime I see a picture of them together.
Come on, they even share hats! If that's not uber cute I don't know what is.

I really hope they stay together for a long, long, long time and get married.

All together now, 1, 2, 3 'Awwww'

Spring Cleaning

Wait, is it even spring? Anyway, my mom and I came down to KL today to stop by our old house to just spruce it up a little and wait for the gardener to show up and trim the garden. Even before we reached, things didn't go the way we wanted it to.

First, it started raining. Heavily, as in raining cats and dogs. There was no way the gardener could have worked in that weather. Secondly, when we reached, we opened the doors to an absolutely filthy, dusty and cobwebbed filled house. So people, the next time you watch a movie about a house long abandoned and it is shown as old and creaky and dusty and dirty, believe it. It was going to be hell to clean it. And thirdly, the gardener was late. Not 5 minutes late or 20 minutes late. He was an hour and half late. Granted, he couldn't do anything in that weather but still..

So we started to clean up. I was facing my worst nightmare. A house filled with spiders and spider-webs and dead things everywhere. I picked up the mop, started on the kitchen floor and immediately abandoned it to my mother. Then I started to wipe the tables. That was fine until I kept staring at endless cobwebs everywhere. I ended up using the cloth as a whip, whipping at the table and at all the cobwebs I could find. I never want to do that again.

Then something stupid happened. I was wearing those bedroom slippers that hotels and airlines always give you because I did not want to step on anything dead. My mother forgot to tell me that the floor was wet and the moment I stepped on the wet patch, I started flailing about and whirling my hands about before falling flat on my side. My mother later told me she thought I looked like I was going round a roundabout..=.= Gee, thanks mom. But it was a good laugh.

At the end of the day; not really, we were done by 6pm, the gardener had arrived and was done at 7pm, the house was looking decent again, and I was dog tired. And here I am, waiting for my mother to sleep so I can go sleep.

It's been a long day. Ciao.

Random, Yet Again

Finally got my ears pierced, after nearly a decade of my mother asking me to do so. Hurt like hell. Although that probably had to do with the fact that I am a major wuss when it comes to needles or piercing or injections.

Anyway.

I suddenly remembered a favourite TV show of mine, Xena: Warrior Princess. Anyone heard of it before? I watched it when I was just a kid and it was my absolute favourite, although I only watched the first few seasons. I watched Xena even before watching Digimon and Pokemon I think.

I remember thinking that she kicked major butt. I always liked her signature swinging of her sword before fighting, and those circular boomerang-like weapon that she used to throw and cut people and things. I can't remember very well if it was violent though, but I sure enjoyed the action. That goes to show that I was an aggressive person even when I was a kid.

But when I watched some of the videos on YouTube, I saw the sexual side of that show that I, thank goodness, did not watch when I was a kid. I thought Xena was a great role model; I didn't know she slept with so many men including Ares, Hercules, Caesar and others, just to name a few. Whew, thank goodness I missed out on that, or I would have been scarred for life.

Even so, there's a feeling akin to coming home when you take a look back at those television shows you watched as a kid. You sort of compare them to shows these days, and you find something lacking in the new shows, whether it was the hidden values within those shows, or maybe just that simple notion of good vs bad and good always wins. Nowadays, the line between good and bad is so thin, gray areas are getting larger and larger till you don't know what is good or bad.

Maybe Xena wasn't such a suitable show for a kid then, but it sure is so much more modest compared to other shows these days, and less complicated. Maybe that's a sign that a new era is coming, one that we have to adapt to, different from the one we knew and grew up with. Whatever it is, I just hope I'll be able to get through it as myself, and not forget everything that made me who I am.

A Remembered Teacher

The day started out wonderful. It was those kind of days that made you want to curl up into your bed and blankets and not leave. It was raining, mist clouding over the precious mountains surrounding my home. It was cool and calm. It was perfect.

But in the afternoon, I saw something I never thought about, didn't really think about and never expected. An ex-teacher of mine from secondary school had passed away this morning.

I read that she had a disease since last year, possibly cancer. I didn't know that. Yet another soul snatched away by the cruel and harsh hands of cancer.

She used to teach me English when I was in Form 1. She was my first English teacher. I can still remember her always wearing her hair in a bun, always speaking in the most perfect English ever. She was a little strict, but fair. As I liked English, I didn't have much trouble with her classes, and even looked forward to them.

She was only my teacher for a year; when I moved up to Form 2 another teacher taught us English. But I still ran into her sometimes, mostly when I had moved up to Form 4 and 5. I remember she started letting her hair down, and I remember liking her new look; it made her look refreshed and somehow younger.

I only have vague and scarce memories about her. I don't and can not claim to have known her very well as I did other teachers. But she was my teacher, and I had always liked and respected her. You know, she was the first teacher to praise me when I started secondary school. It was nothing big; I had done very well on the mid-term test and she praised my results. It was such a little thing, but it made me so happy, and seeing her smile because of that, that smile of hers and that memory stayed with me till now.

I don't have any flowery phrases or poems to serenade her, nor any elaborate eulogies for her. But all I can say is thank you so, so much Pn Florence, for all that you have taught me. Thank you for putting the effort that you did into teaching us. Thank you for being part of my secondary school life. Thank you for blessing me with that wonderful memory and smile. And most of all, thank you for just being there. I know many of your students will miss you, as will the school. I will too. Rest in peace Pn Florence, you're with God now, and hopefully much more happier.

Celeb sayings??

Seriously, people. I know that we all have our favourite celebrities. But sometimes we take it too far.

On twitter, you refresh and refresh the page and hang on to every tweet they post. You look and comment and retweet everything that they say. That's great, I mean, that gives you a feeling like 'Oh my favourite celebrity is soooo close to his/her fans'.

But sometimes, we hang on too much on what they say. We only pay attention to what they do, not others.

For example, I woke up yesterday and found the Kony 2012 video on Facebook. I was really moved by it and shared it on Facebook and on Twitter.  For the entire day, no one reshared the video or trended about it. The moment celebrities started to tweet about it though, the entire thing went viral. #stopKony started trending, and is still trending on today. That is wonderful, cause that means people are now aware of who he is.

But say if celebrities did not share or tweet or talk about that video, would it have been as viral as it was? Granted, celebrities have an enormous influence on what people think or do. But is it right that we only become concerned about a cause because it has been advocated by that celebrity? Is it right that we ignore the avocations by the normal people, by people like us? The Kony 2012 video wasn't made by celebrities. It wasn't shot by Steven Spielberg or James Cameron or other big-wigs; it didn't have a cast of the hottest celebrities in Hollywood now. It was made by ordinary people, who in my opinion, are far greater heroes than ANY heroic character played by those celebrities in TV.

When someone, someone normal like you and I, asks you to take a little time to watch a video, or look at a picture or read a story that is meaningful, we should stop and take a look. We shouldn't ignore what everyday people are trying to fight for. We shouldn't just pay attention to what celebrities are championing. They may fight for the right things, but it is just a fraction of so many people are trying to fight for.

So please, don't just take in what celebrities are saying. Take a closer look at what your friends on Facebook or Twitter or in real life are talking about. You might find something important. If I hadn't taken a closer look or took the time to watch the video my friend posted on Facebook, I wouldn't have known who Joseph Kony is. And please, for the world, for those children made to be soldiers or killed, for those children who live in constant fear, please take half an hour from 24 hours of your day, to watch and to share this video.

Gratitude

I realised I've never expressed gratitude for what I have, so why not start now?

I'm grateful for my wonderful parents and dear brother whose love I will never trade for another's.

I'm grateful that I have been blessed with a healthy and strong body. Even if I don't have that perfect body, I have a set of perfectly functional and strong arms and legs.

I'm grateful that I have been blessed with a healthy vocal cord, eyes and ears. For without them I may not be able to see the wonderful world and its colours, nor will I be able to hear the beautiful music that is life. I may not have the greatest voice but at least I have a voice to sing and to speak.

I'm grateful that while I am not the prettiest or most attractive girl around, I have been blessed by God to have confidence and faith in myself, and to have the strength to tell myself that I am beautiful no matter what.

I'm grateful that God has seen fit to bless me with a wonderful memory and brain for studying. While I may not be a genius I am grateful that studying comes easier to me. I am grateful that I have the capacity for learning, while some unfortunate souls learn slower than others, and are discriminated by people who think they are far better.

I'm grateful for the wonderful friends that have been in my life. I'm grateful for every little thing they have done and said. They brought so much colour to my life.

I'm grateful for everyone who has come before into my short life, regardless good or bad. Thank you to those who made everything worth living for, and thank you to those who made life hell; because of you I've learnt that I'm stronger than I ever knew.

I'm grateful for life, that I can open my eyes to a brand new day, no matter how bad it may be. I'm grateful that I have the ability to be grateful, to appreciate the things I have right in front of my eyes.

So thank you, for letting me realise that I am so blessed to be who I am.

For The Love of Words

I remember now that I loved writing, still do. I've never been that popular person that everyone is drawn to immediately. Fine by me. But there was a time when I especially felt like an outcast, and writing sort of helped me through that period. Suddenly I could be anything I wanted to be in my writings, I could create anything and anyone I wanted. I was free.

I am by no means a good writer. I'm no J.K Rowling or C.S Lewis or J.R.R Tolkien or Poe or Shakespeare. I'll never be famous through writing, that's for sure. But words are what keeps the child and fire within me alive when everything else fails. I love art and music, but there are times when I can't play music very well and I can't express myself through drawing. But through words, I can tell you everything I feel, everything I want to feel and want to be.

I want to write life, not about life but life itself. I want to weave life between the words that I write. I want people to feel life in whatever I write. I want people to know what life is like, what it looks like, sounds like or even feels like. I want someone who's never seen the mountains clouded over by mist to see the beauty and mystery of that morning veil covering the craggy face of the strong mountains. I want someone who's never run with the wind whistling past their ears to hear the song that the wind sings as it caresses your hair and face gently. I want someone who's never seen the majesty of the ocean to feel and to see the deep, infinite end of the ocean, to smell the salt, that tangy smell that is so uniquely the ocean. I want someone to feel the joy of being reunited with family, at realising you're not alone in this world, at finding out that the person you needed the most was always right there beside you. I want someone who's never had the chance and may never have the chance to fall in love, to feel what it's like to have someone love you and treat you as if you're the most precious thing in the world. I want them to feel as I feel.

Writing may never be a career for me, but it will always be the one thing that remains a constant thing in my life. So as long as I feel, I will never stop writing.

Random?

So I'm supposed to be studying now, but seriously, I do not have the mood to do it..Lol..I'll still study in a while.

My poor, poor Mercedes. Actually my dad's, but I still call it mine, lol. She broke down today, her poor, overused engine couldn't start. Aww, my poor baby. When I saw her driving back into my house I was so happy!! I promise you I won't abuse you baby, I'll treat you like you're the most precious thing in the world!!

Ahem. Anyway. Hmm. I could have sworn there was something I wanted to blog about just now, but I can't remember what it is. But, speaking of blogging, did you notice that even though this is a blog, when you type the word blog while composing a new post, auto correct pegs it as a misspelt word. What the heck..-.-

So, I guess that's all for now. Ciao.

P.S. I wonder if Salvatore Ferragamo is related to the Salvatore brothers. LOL

Faith? Belief? Hope?

Sometimes, I see people always saying 'I've lost hope', 'It's over, I can't fix it any more', 'I'm so alone' etc etc. Then I wonder, did you really have hope at all in the first place? Or did you only have some semblance of hope? A weak wish that everything will be all right?

 Hope isn't given to you by someone else. You have to find your own hope, within yourself. It doesn't have to be that feeling of faith, hope can be your family, your friends; anything that will give you the thought of not giving up. There were so many times that were just so easy for me to give up. To just admit that I lost and to just fall and do nothing. But then I think of my family; what would they say if I had given up just like that? What would I, myself say if I had just given up hope?

 I really like the story of Pandora's box, that when the box was opened, all things evil would come out and taint the world. But Hope remains in that box. It will always be there, whether you can see it or not. All we have to do is just remain strong, and avoid tempting to open the box and loose Hope. Sometimes, once you've lost hope, it's difficult to get it back, sometimes even impossible.

 So think about it, before you've given up on anything. Find that spark of Hope inside of you, no matter how small it is. As long as that spark still burns within, you'll never loose Hope.

Continuation..Or Not.

I so forgot what I wanted to write from my last post. Oh well. Umm..I'm bored. No, seriously, I am. Ever tried playing the games on Big Fish Games? They're nice, only thing is you can only play it for an hour. Party pooper. I have absolutely no idea what to write now. Maybe I'll just wait till I have something to cry and whine about. Yeah, I'll do that. Ciao.

Vampire Diaries

Finally, I think it's time to have a little rant on my current favourite television series eh?

After a year of badgering from my friends, I've finally started watching it. Do I regret it? Nope.

All right, first things first. Character dissection. Let's start with Elena Gilbert. I liked Nina Dobrev. I think she's a fantastic actress who is able to portray two characters who are polar opposites. I do like Elena Gilbert, that was in Season 1. I mean, I still like her now, but after watching the latest 2 episodes of Season 3, I've decided maybe she's getting a little too selfish. Two brothers fawning over her, one is Stefan Salvatore, good-guy-turned-bad-turned-good? And Damon Salvatore, bad-guy-who-wasn't-really-bad-turned-good-guy. Aptly put by Katherine, the brother who didn't love me enough and the brother who loved me too much. I can't help but feel that sometimes, Damon loves Elena more. But let's leave that for later.

Fine, I understand that Elena was with Stefan first, and the entire 'Stefan-will-always-be-first' lecture'. I get that. But Stefan, I know he loves her, but does he love her enough? And poor Damon, always ending up being rejected in favour of Stefan, first Katherine, now Elena. I really do commend Ian Somerhalder for being able to come up with such a pitiful kicked puppy look..Aww..

Urgh, you know what? I'll just continue tomorrow. TTFN said the tridelts.

Dream A Little Dream..

You know, I've always wanted to be a writer. There was something magical how just by using the right words, you could create an entire world and people. You can create an entire scenario, no matter how illogical or realistic it is, you can make it real, because it's your world.

But, I suppose I'll never realise that dream. Sure I love to write, it's something that keeps me sane, sometimes. But, I think, many people would just laugh and scoff at the idea that being a writer wouldn't lead you anywhere at all. If you (You know who you are), can't accept the fact that I'm studying Psychology, then you definitely can't accept my ambition of becoming a writer.

Sometimes, when things are strange or different or unique, people, grown ups, whatever, they can't see the beauty these things sometimes carry within them. They will call it strange and crazy, and call you crazy for admiring or reading or watching these things. Maybe you just don't want to see the beauty inside.

Everytime when someone asks me what I study, you'll just answer 'Nah, just Psychology, I don't even know what sort of crazy subject it is. I shouldn't have let you simply choose these sort of subjects.'

FYI, I had more crazy ambitions. At one point, I wanted to be a forensic scientist, a cop, a CEO and a fashion designer. I knew you'd disapprove of all of them, so I chose the safest one. I think, that you have a bad impression towards Psychology, and people around you keep telling you that it's a 'bad' subject. I don't think that they, or you, can judge that. I understand you're concerned. But you're supposed to support me, not throw my ambition to the ground and step on it, repeatedly.

So I'll show you, and the rest of the people, that I CAN do great things with this degree, that I CAN succeed without going cuckoo like all of you are expecting me. Then maybe I won't be such an embarrassment after all.

Growing Up..Again

I think it's strange. Sometimes the people you knew so well before suddenly seem to change overnight. Some call it growing up. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it may be just, different. Sometimes it's called loosing yourself. Does it mean that we have to give up on whatever made us happy in the past? Just because someone tells you it's time to grow up?

Growing up doesn't mean forgetting the things that made you who you are. It means learning to fall, to accept it and to get back up stronger than you were before. I've seen so many people change, like I said, some for the good, and some, I don't even know who they are any more. Sometimes I feel guilty, because the people that I see have changed, that I have judged to be a shallow or different person for the bad, they're my friends.

But then, who am I to judge? Who am I to say that you're not perfect when I'm not? Who am I to tell you you're so shallow when I'm not exactly the deepest person around? Who am I to tell you that you're so stuck up when sometimes I can be arrogant and selfish and full of pride?

People can be hypocrites sometimes. You know it's so easy to say 'I'm never like that, and I most definitely will never be like that.' Well, never say never. I suppose that's what I'm trying to learn now. It's just so hard to think carefully before you judge someone, before you open your mouth to condemn that person with just a casually thrown word or sentence. It's so easy to judge others, but not ourselves. I guess I'm still learning.

Growing up, may be for the better, but only if we don't loose ourselves in the process. I hope, that when there comes a day I can not remember what made me who I am, what I am, I can just look around at my memories, my friends and my family, and remember that they made me who I am, and I'll be content.

R.I.P Whitney Houston

I couldn't believe it when my brother told me Whitney Houston was dead. She was only 48 years old, far too young to be gone.

I wasn't a great fan of hers, but I loved her voice, and her songs like I Will Always Love You and One Moment In Time accompanied me as I grew up. Going back to her old songs, I feel so sad. She was such a talented woman, yet so troubled. At least she left with the love of the entire world.

R.I.P Whitney Houston, your wonderful voice will be the stuff that legends are made of, and others will always remember your voice as the ultimate voice, and you as a Queen of Music. Hope you're at least happier where you are now.

Another Day

Another day..You know, sometimes you wished your life was similar to those of the TV world. I know, I do wish it too sometimes. But then, I think, 'Too much drama, no thanks'. I'm a very lazy and laid back person who hates drama. All I would say would probably be 'Please get it over with'. Probably the reason why I can not stand Korean Dramas.

I used to laugh at the notion of keeping a diary or journal or whatever. Why pour out your feelings to an inanimate object? Then I realised that in a way, that book, or diary or even this blog, becomes a part of you, once you've put so much of yourself into it. It's also quite interesting to see your thoughts grow from year to year. Sometimes, when you read an entry from a month, a year or even few years ago, you find out something special again, no matter how big or small it is. It could be a person's birthday, a sad day, a happy one, an angry one or whatever. But that feeling when you remember that incident and it brings a smile to your face for whatever reasons, is just so nostalgic that you feel you've found an old friend again. It's also nice to just write and write and write with no one stopping you or telling you this isn't appropriate or what not. Your diary, or blog, or journal, is YOUR world. You make the rules. You decide what's in it or not. You decide what you're going to immortalise for the rest of your life, or what you're going to forget. You choose what events define you, make you who you are.

So, in a way, I'm quite glad I've started writing again. It makes me feel, more free, a little by little, than I have ever been. Enough for today, ciao.

Poor Doggie..

I just saw this beautiful white dog outside my house today. According to my brother it's already been there for a week. I think it's been abandoned. There'e no collar around it's neck and it's eyes are so, so sad. It refused to eat the little food we gave to it, just kept looking around, as if waiting for someone to come. I don't know where it's owner is, but if he or she really did abandon this poor, beautiful and loyal dog, I must say that they are absolutely heartless.

Do they know how sad their dog looks when they have been abandoned? Did they see the pain in it's eyes when it realised it's owner has left it all alone?

I hope the dog will be all right. Trying to find someone to adopt it and get it to the vet, since my 'all mighty' brother just issued an order for me to find someone to take the dog to the vet NOW. Sheesh..Poor doggie.. :(

Back?

After a long, loong hiatus I've finally come back to this blog. It's been, I think about 2 years? Many things have changed; people gone, going to university, meeting new people. Yeah, life does go on.

I remember the first time I wrote in this blog. I was so full of anger and sadness then, so ready to destroy. But, I'm glad I'm so much more happier now. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, with my own personality, no matter how dysfunctional it is. I guess it's what makes me unique.

Let's see, things that have changed. I do read less now, that's a shame. I simply don't have the time to just sit and read. I've started exercising now, finally. I suppose some things have changed for the better, but one thing I regret is that I never write these days. I used to sprout these little stories, projects I have never finished before. But it did give me pleasure to write. Maybe I'll start writing again, and maybe drawing too.

So, I suppose I'll stop here for now, come back in a few days or so. It's nice, actually to see how I recorded my thoughts and how I've changed. Ciao.